This was another request by a redditor, and I loved this idea when I heard it. I had a lot of fun going through 1 star comments, some were bitter and ranty, while others were long and thought out critiques that sometimes were hard to argue with. It actually took a long fucking time to find appropriate reviews for this review-review series because I didn’t want it to come off as my picking on peoples opinions. I had to sort through a ton of stuff to find the funniest, or the trolliest comments out there.
Haters gunna hate
Sufficiently Advanced Magic by Andrew Rowe
Rating: 4.26 stars at 2,410 ratings.
1160 5 star ratings (48%)
29 1 star ratings (1%)
Angry Person 1: “Was enjoying the book and out of the blue with no warring the SJW SICKNESS strikes AGAIN! … The MC gets an GAY admirer… returned book for refund.“
This poor guy sounds like he’s been getting surprised by gay protagonists left and right – he’s so frustrated! This guy will not be happier with his book selections later on in life given current trends, best of luck!
The author should have had the main character as stereotypically gay as possible so he wouldn’t waste peoples time and money, he tricked this poor reader into reading an SJW book.
Angry Person 2: “pedo warning”
There was next to no sexuality in this book, there were a couple paragraphs of dialogue about a possible gay romance. That’s what these guys are flipping out over.
Angry Person 3. “It should have been telegraphed better that the main character was gay. I wasted 3 days on this book. A shame, I really loved the world created within”.
This world is so awesome! I’m really enjoying myself, weeeee, I love this!
Wait……no… wait…. no… NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Angry Person 4: “I’ll get flak for this, but it must be said. I’m not anti-gay by any means, but reading a story with a gay main character is not my thing… and to be perfectly honest it makes no sense what so ever for homosexuality to be so embraced in the context of the fantasy novels I read”.
I can’t think of a specific group of humanity and just say “I don’t want to read a book with them as a main character” I’ve never really understood this argument I see against reading about gay characters. Also, this world hasn’t expressed much of any morality surrounding sexuality do’s and don’ts. The only culture norm around gender and sex is that the dorms are split into boys and girls, outside of that there’s no evidence this society is anti gay, pro gay or anything in between.
Prince of Fools by Mark Lawrence
Rating: 4.07 stars at 16,623 ratings.
5916 5 star ratings (35%)
218 1 star ratings (1%)
Angry Person 1: “This book is a reminder to me, to why usually i don’t like to read books written by men. Always with foul language!
Women totally fucking curse too – I honestly don’t know what I’d do without the word fuck, it’s such a perfect word that’s so versatile and useful in so many situations.
…..A male character that can’t see a woman and not have pervert thoughts.
Jalan is totally a womanizer, but you’re not supposed to admire that or anything else about him at first, he’s a self professed coward and fuck up and you’re not supposed to like him much.
……The characters are annoying, the writting is bad, the dialogs are shallow… anyway, a waste of time!”
Angry Person 2: “Too much language”
Angry Person 3: “This book was awful. There was so much foul language and inappropriate content that I could not finish it. Even just two guys sitting on a boat had so much inappropriate content that I only made it halfway through the book”
That last sentence should be an advertisement.
Angry Person 4: I’m not a prude and can handle vulgarity but the language became more than I could hack. This author used the name of Jesus in the most offensive manner, and more than once. When I read, “Jesus, f— me on the cross” I was done. Returned for a refund. It takes NO talent to be offensive.
Ya know what’s funny, I don’t remember this book being overly vulgar, I remember cursing and sex and all that – but I don’t remember it being over the top. Sometimes reading these 1 star reviews make me debate whether I’m too desensitized or if these people are hyper sensitive to it.
Assassins Apprentice by Robin Hobb
Rating: 4.14 stars at 162,842 ratings.
68,345 5 star ratings (41%)
2469 1 star ratings (1%)
Angry Person 1: Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. I didn’t care for this series at all. The bad guy is SO bad, stomping around twirling his virtual Snidely Whiplash mustache, sneering and jeering and (literally) kicking puppies
Well, I mean she’s not wrong.
Angry Person 2: I like superheroes, our protagonist is not one.
I like assassinations, I don’t recall any here.
I like magic, very little here.
I like assassination & magic training, so so.
I like fun books, this was depressing.
I like happy endings, not here.
I like the protagonist to triumph, not here
This is another 1 star review that could easily draw the exact right audience to this series, lots of people look for exactly this.
Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson
Rating: 4.14 stars at 165,388 ratings.
120,388 5 star ratings (72%)
1088 1 star ratings (1%)
Angry Person 1. If you have to read The Way of Kings – which you shouldn’t do, but if you haveto because your dad gave it to you and he’s your dad – I recommend you do so while a little bit drunk. It makes this book a lot more fun. For example, when passages like this occur:
She stared eastward, her expression horrified, eyes wide and sorrowful. It was the face of a child watching a brutal murder that stole her innocence.
. . . well, I’d much rather read that sort of thing while slightly drunk.
Lol, I like this person.
Angry Person 2: What novel is everyone else reading? My objections to this tome are almost its equal in length.
He then goes on to write almost a dissertation length critique, man, that was a LOT to read through.
Angry Person 3: I had to stop at 8%, the prose was so bad. You’d swear this was self-published by a newbie.
He’s not known for his prose but I didn’t think it was THAT bad. Not to mention many self published things are gorgeous ie: Senlin Ascends.
Angry Person 4: When RR Martin meets Kingdom Hearts. I wouldn’t recommend it
I really love this.
Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch
Rating: 4.30 stars at 138,438 ratings.
72,020 5 star ratings (52%)
2369 1 star ratings (1%)
Angry Person 1 Blah, blah, blah, I’m a thief.
LOL, some of these just make me laugh.
Angry Person 2: I give up on the fantasy genre. I know I’m in the vast minority but after 100+ pages this book just bored me to tears.
Damn, it made this person give up on an entire genre. Well done, Lynch.
Angry Person 3: Verbal diarrhea. Ugh!
Fair, there is a good deal of potty language in this book.
Angry Person 4: i just can’t be fucked to care about locke (or anyone else in this book, for that matter).
Are we still doing “phrasing”? (get gif)
Angry person 5: I not only didn’t like this book, I HATED it! Negative 3 stars! I read about 100 pages and had to throw it in the corner. The language is horrible and I don’t mind cussing in books, but this was ridiculous!
Angry Person 6: DNF
It had too much swearing and vulgarity for my taste. I gave it about 30 pages, but then had to put it down. I don’t need any more swearing in my head. It’s hard enough to get out when people around me are saying it.
Angry Person 7: I only read the first few pages. It looks like a fun book, but there is just too much foul language for me to get through it.
Angry Person 8: I barely got through the first two pages before I had read enough crude and foul language to know that I had no desire to read this book. I could care less that those speaking were thieving dogs of the underworld, I have no desire to read any book with language like that.
Some Wheel of Time 1-star reviews would be rife with comedy…!
oooohhhh man, that’s a great idea!
Hey, cool blog. Came here via reddit.
Thanks! Glad you liked it!
This was fantastic, lol.
Also, it should be noted that I, a woman (!!!), swear more then most men I know.
So… like… fuck. And whatnot.
You’re doing the Lord’s work wading through these, Esme.
Discworld, of course! Looking forward to it…
This was great! Reminds of why these are some of my favorite books 😂 Thanks!
This really made me giggle!
The reviews on Locke Lamora annoy me – it’s called the Gentleman Bastard series! There’s swearing IN THE TITLE! Where were they expecting it to go from there?!